I thought losing my grandmother was the hardest thing i have been through,But losing my big brother has been the most difficult,hardest ,gut wrenching thing I’ve had to deal with. Its like my heart has completely shattered, and my world has turned up side down. I feel like at any moment i am going to crack.my anxiety is at an all time high. I don’t know how i am going to get through this. I really don’t know how i am going to get through this at all. I don’t know how i am going to handle the funeral. I can’t bring myself to see you in that way. I don’t want to see you in that way. I want to remember you the way that you were. This loss has taken a complete toll on my heart. I miss him so much. He was the sweetest and kindest person I knew. His laughter was contagious. Even if he was having a bad day, he would still be smiling and laughing. He was the type of person to remember every ones birthday. He was my big brother, who i loved with all of my heart. Its hard to look at photos of him . I am full of all these emotions, that are slowly bubbling to the surface. I just want to run and hid. I am so sad, and I am so mad. I just wish this was a horrible dream that i could wake up from. but its not a horrible dream, this is real . You’ve been taken from us, from the the people that you love the most. I hope you knew how much I loved you, how important were to me, and how much of an impact you made on this world. I just miss my big brother.