Hello Everyone, Hope Everyone is having a good day. It’s graduation time for the students . It will be 11 years since I graduated High School. My niece is graduating High School this Friday. It makes me feel so old. I won’t be able to to attend but I am so proud of her and I know she is going to do great things out in the world. I’m so proud of all my nieces and nephews. They are all growing up and becoming their own person and accomplishing so much. I just wanted say to everyone graduating this year whether it’s from High School or College, Congratulations 🎊 🎉!!
Yesterday was my big brother’s birthday. We got some cupcakes and chinese food to celebrate him. This is the second birthday that we have spent without him. I miss him dearly. I think about him all the time wishing that he was here. I miss his laughter, I miss talking to him. Happy belated heavenly birthday big brother. You are always in my heart and mind.
Family, what is family? Family can be a complicated thing. The up,downs,the ugly, the crazy,the good and the bad. You can’t live with them but you can’t live without them. I use to hear that you can love your family but you don’t have to like them. And I didn’t understand it at first but now I do. What I’ve been going through has opened My eyes to a lot of things. When you started going through things you start to see how people really feel about you,how people really view you. It’s a bitter pill to swallow especially when it’s coming from people who are suppose to be your family. I learned a long time ago that sometimes no matter how much you love someone,whether their family or not,sometimes you have to love them from a distance because if you allow them up close to you, you will get burned.
What gets me is that people assume that because I’m quiet means that I’m weak. But they have no idea what I have been through. Those closest to me don’t even know what I’ve been through. I’m not perfect, I’ll be the first to admit it. I have flaws,imperfections,I make mistakes. I’m OK with not being perfect,because If I was perfect I wouldn’t be able to learn anything, I would be able to grow as a person. Your imperfections are what make you beautiful. And I wouldn’t change those imperfections for anything in the world.
These last couple of months have been really difficult. within a couple of days of losing my niece me and my mom were in an accident. A truck ran into the house striking me and my mother. Then a week after the accident i found out that a coworker that i considered a really good friend had died. My emotions have been all over the place. some days i want to scream and some days i want to cry. My anxiety is at its worst. And with so much going on i haven’t had time to deal with everything. I haven’t had time to sit and grieve. Everytime i feel like i am healing, everytime I feel like i’m taking baby steps in the right directions everything gets blown to bits and i get thrown back hundred steps. These last two years have been really difficult. between losing my brother, both aunts, my niece, and my friend its just a lot. But i will say through it all i do have an amazing support system. and everything i’ve been through this last couple of months have shown me who i can trust and who i can’t trust. I’ve learned that when you down that’s when you see who’s your friend and who isn’t.
Last night I got the devasting news that my neice passed away. My heart hurts so much. I just can’t believe she is gone. My neice is two years older than me but we grew up like sisters. I just can’t believe this is happening right now.
I have come to accept the fact that my family is dysfunctional at best. It use to bother me how dysfunctional my family was but as I got older I realized everybody has a dysfunctional family in some way. No family is perfect. We all have our issues. I just wish we were close. And wish I was better at communicating. I guess all i can do is take it one step at a time. No matter what we go through I will always love my family, through the ups and the downs.
It’s been year today on July 5th that I have been without my brother Lamount. When he passed I didn’t think I would make it. And even though its been a year it still hurts and it probably always will. There are times when I think I am doing ok then I’m reminded that he is gone. But although he’s gone I know that his love, his spirit and the memories are always with me. I will always carry him with me no matter what .
Grief is a difficult thing to deal with. And the moment you think you are finally healing something happens to open up that wound again. You know that you will never be the same and that you will always grieve what you lost.
Good Afternoon everyone, and Happy Christmas Eve. Today I am making my Christmas Dinner a day early. I am making it today instead of tomorrow because I have to work tomorrow. I am making a pot roast with carrots,onions,potatoes and greens on the side. And I have a cheesecake for dessert. I can’t wait to to taste it! I hope everyone enjoys their holiday!I will take a picture of the food and post it later.
Grieving is a difficult thing. Its been a month since I lost my brother, and its hurts more now. There are moments that come along where he pops in my head and I wonder what he would do in this situation or that situation. There are moments where I just want to cry. Its like there is a piece missing where he should be. I just hate grieve. I know it will never go away. I will always be grieving my big brother even as I start to slowly move forward, things will never be the same.