Random thoughts pt 1

Family, what is family? Family can be a complicated thing. The up,downs,the ugly, the crazy,the good and the bad. You can’t live with them but you can’t live without them. I use to hear that you can love your family but you don’t have to like them. And I didn’t understand it at first but now I do. What I’ve been going through has opened My eyes to a lot of things. When you started going through things you start to see how people really feel about you,how people really view you. It’s a bitter pill to swallow especially when it’s coming from people who are suppose to be your family. I learned a long time ago that sometimes no matter how much you love someone,whether their family or not,sometimes you have to love them from a distance because if you allow them up close to you, you will get burned.

What gets me is that people assume that because I’m quiet means that I’m weak. But they have no idea what I have been through. Those closest to me don’t even know what I’ve been through. I’m not perfect, I’ll be the first to admit it. I have flaws,imperfections,I make mistakes. I’m OK with not being perfect,because If I was perfect I wouldn’t be able to learn anything, I would be able to grow as a person. Your imperfections are what make you beautiful. And I wouldn’t change those imperfections for anything in the world.


The Accident Part 1

I never thought in a million years that a car would crash into my house. That day was a normal day until it wasn’t. I was supposed to go back to Boston for my niece’s funeral. I never got to say goodbye to her. My whole life has changed. I will never be the same person. I’m filled with all of these emotions. I’m sad, angry,hurt,and confused. But I’m not going to give up. I know with baby steps and time that I will be where I need to be.


Britney Spears Conservatorship

As you all may know there has been a lot going on in the news regarding Britney’s Spears Conservatorship. There was documentary awhile back about Britney which I did see. Britney herself has come out and has spoken about the conservatorship. It saddens me how Britney has been treated all these years. She deserves so much better, she has given so much of herself to the world and has been treated poorly in return. I remember when Britney had her breakdown in 2008.As a fan who grew up watching her,and listening to her music it was devastating watching her fall apart. It was because of her and what she was and is going through that my blinders towards celebrities came off. I began to see and realize that the people that we see perform,that we idolize,that we see in magazines, movies and on tv, they are human beings. They go through ups and downs,they have feelings and emotions,they hurt, they cry ,they laugh,they smile, they struggle,and they make mistakes just as we all do . Sometimes as a society i think we forget that. To hear how Britney Spears is being treated within the conservatorship is horrible. She should be able to live her life the way she wants and she should be able to live it freely. She should be able make decisions, and she should be able to have control over her own body . The conservatorship was put it place to help her instead its hurting her.I hope that the courts get rid of conservatorship because it’s  doing more harm then good. As a fan I just want Britney to be happy whatever that means for her. I wish her nothing but the best, I hope and pray that courts listen to her and remove the Conservatorship.


Hello 2021 and Goodbye 2020

Happy New Years to everyone! I am so ready for 2020 to be over with . I am ready for 2021. I am ready for a fresh start and new beginning. 2020 I was a difficult year. From the pandemic to losing my brother. I’m ready to start this new year fresh and renewed. I am not setting any new year resolutions this year. I decided not to set any new year resolutions this year because every time I set up a resolution I never follow through with it. With the New year I just want to enjoy myself, open myself and my heart to new things. So guess in a way I do have resolutions for this year,lol. I want you all to enjoy your New Years, have fun and be safe. It’s time to chuck the dueces up to 2020 and say hello 2021 I’ve been waiting for you to arrive. HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!!🎉🎊🥂🥳🙏💚🧡💙💛❤💜


Poem #1

What I am I worth to you?

Am I worth more then money growing on trees?

Am I worth more than gold hiding in mines?

Why is it that I only see you when you want to take from me

You take from me like I am nothing more or nothing less

You only need me when you have nothing, and I have everything

What I am I worth to you?


2 months

Its been two months without my big brother. Its been hard without him. Everyday is different. Some days I will be fine and then other days something will happen or I’ll see something that reminds me of him and then i’ll remember that he’s gone. Day by day, baby steps by baby steps I am healing. I know I will always grieve him but I am slowly moving foward.



Grieving is a difficult thing. Its been a month since I lost my brother, and its hurts more now. There are moments that come along where he pops in my head and I wonder what he would do in this situation or that situation. There are moments where I just want to cry. Its like there is a piece missing where he should be. I just hate grieve. I know it will never go away. I will always be grieving my big brother even as I start to slowly move forward, things will never be the same.


Dinner for 7/13

So today for dinner I had leftovers from yesterday. Yesterday it was the first time I cooked in A week. Last week with everything going on I just didn’t feel like cooking. So yesterday I made cilantro lime rice and oxtails. The oxtail came out nice and tender. And I cooked my favorite brand of rice Zatarian. Cooking in the kitchen helped me get my mind off of everything going on,but just briefly. I don’t think I am going to cook anything for tomorrow, but we’ll see what happens.