Yesterday was my big brother’s birthday. We got some cupcakes and chinese food to celebrate him. This is the second birthday that we have spent without him. I miss him dearly. I think about him all the time wishing that he was here. I miss his laughter, I miss talking to him. Happy belated heavenly birthday big brother. You are always in my heart and mind.
These last couple of months have been really difficult. within a couple of days of losing my niece me and my mom were in an accident. A truck ran into the house striking me and my mother. Then a week after the accident i found out that a coworker that i considered a really good friend had died. My emotions have been all over the place. some days i want to scream and some days i want to cry. My anxiety is at its worst. And with so much going on i haven’t had time to deal with everything. I haven’t had time to sit and grieve. Everytime i feel like i am healing, everytime I feel like i’m taking baby steps in the right directions everything gets blown to bits and i get thrown back hundred steps. These last two years have been really difficult. between losing my brother, both aunts, my niece, and my friend its just a lot. But i will say through it all i do have an amazing support system. and everything i’ve been through this last couple of months have shown me who i can trust and who i can’t trust. I’ve learned that when you down that’s when you see who’s your friend and who isn’t.
Last night I got the devasting news that my neice passed away. My heart hurts so much. I just can’t believe she is gone. My neice is two years older than me but we grew up like sisters. I just can’t believe this is happening right now.
It’s been year today on July 5th that I have been without my brother Lamount. When he passed I didn’t think I would make it. And even though its been a year it still hurts and it probably always will. There are times when I think I am doing ok then I’m reminded that he is gone. But although he’s gone I know that his love, his spirit and the memories are always with me. I will always carry him with me no matter what .
Grief is a difficult thing to deal with. And the moment you think you are finally healing something happens to open up that wound again. You know that you will never be the same and that you will always grieve what you lost.