Hello Everyone, I hope everyone’s day is going good. I’ve been away from blogging for a minute now but I’m going to try and blog little bit more. I’ve been so busy and I’m trying to take care of myself mentally,emotionally,and Physically. I’ve been neglecting myself for so long that it’s time to get things in order. Right I’m trying to lose weight. It’s hard but I’m trying. I’m also going to start therapy soon. It’s time to take care of myself. It’s going to be a long road but it’s going to be worth it.
This week has been long, between moving and the cold weather. I never realized how overwhelming moving could be. It is such a process to move. it makes you realize how much stuff you really have. After these last couple of months I am just trying to get myself together. Its not easy putting the pieces back together. I feel like I am on the right path, but I know its going to take time, baby steps. And the cold weather is something else. Hopefully the cold weather will easy up a little. My anxiety has been acting up this week. It just flares up whenever. I hope with time and healing that it gets better.
All though I’ve been going through a lot these last couple of months, each baby step I take is another step I take towards healing, towards moving forward. It hasn’t been easy, it’s been a struggle.But I know that it will be OK, it will just take time. I know the healing process is a process in its self. I’ve been going through so much that the holidays don’t feel like the holidays to me right now. I can’t worry about the things I can’t change, I just need to focus on the here and now.
My depression is at its peak. I feel myself slowly falling into a deep hole. I’ve been fighting depression for last six years. You think you have it under control and then something reminds that you don’t. you think you family would recognize that your crumpling. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. The last two years have been difficult, but this year has been the worst. its like i cant catch a break. Then people make it worse by pointing out all my mistakes,my flaws,and what i’m not doing right. it only makes my depression ten times worse then what it is. I am fighting everyday to make it through but its constant battle. Writing this blog has tremendously helped me.its kept my mind busy and it has allowed me to express my self any ways i can’t when i try to verbally communicate with others. Everything that i keep bottled in i put it all into this blog.
I never thought in a million years that a car would crash into my house. That day was a normal day until it wasn’t. I was supposed to go back to Boston for my niece’s funeral. I never got to say goodbye to her. My whole life has changed. I will never be the same person. I’m filled with all of these emotions. I’m sad, angry,hurt,and confused. But I’m not going to give up. I know with baby steps and time that I will be where I need to be.
At what point do you say enough is enough. I think I am at my point. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. On the weekend I thought I was going to have a mental breakdown twice. I have a really bad habit of keeping everything bottled up and saying I’m OK when I am not really ok. It’s a bad habit I am trying to break but it’s hard especially when you’ve been like this your whole life. I know I definitely need to make some changes in certain areas of my life.
As you may or may not have heard, Simone Biles has withdrawn from the Individual All-Round because of Mental Health issues . I applaud Simone for putting her mental health first. I think that its hard for some people to admit when they are struggling mentally. Mental Health shouldn’t be ignored. I feel like sometimes mental health is often ignored and put to the side. Your health comes first and foremost, You can’t do what you need to do or help others if you aren’t taking care of yourself. I can’t imagine how difficult it was to come to that decision for Simone .I wish Simone nothing but the best and she is in my thoughts and prayers.
My anxiety is starting to flare up. I hate having anxiety. Writing helps its. Thats one of the reasons I started this blog. This blog gives me a place to be myself,to vent, to express myself. I am not really good at saying how I feel. But when I write it just comes out.
As you all may know there has been a lot going on in the news regarding Britney’s Spears Conservatorship. There was documentary awhile back about Britney which I did see. Britney herself has come out and has spoken about the conservatorship. It saddens me how Britney has been treated all these years. She deserves so much better, she has given so much of herself to the world and has been treated poorly in return. I remember when Britney had her breakdown in 2008.As a fan who grew up watching her,and listening to her music it was devastating watching her fall apart. It was because of her and what she was and is going through that my blinders towards celebrities came off. I began to see and realize that the people that we see perform,that we idolize,that we see in magazines, movies and on tv, they are human beings. They go through ups and downs,they have feelings and emotions,they hurt, they cry ,they laugh,they smile, they struggle,and they make mistakes just as we all do . Sometimes as a society i think we forget that. To hear how Britney Spears is being treated within the conservatorship is horrible. She should be able to live her life the way she wants and she should be able to live it freely. She should be able make decisions, and she should be able to have control over her own body . The conservatorship was put it place to help her instead its hurting her.I hope that the courts get rid of conservatorship because it’s doing more harm then good. As a fan I just want Britney to be happy whatever that means for her. I wish her nothing but the best, I hope and pray that courts listen to her and remove the Conservatorship.