I thought losing my grandmother was the hardest thing i have been through,But losing my big brother has been the most difficult,hardest ,gut wrenching thing I’ve had to deal with. Its like my heart has completely shattered, and my world has turned up side down. I feel like at any moment i am going to crack.my anxiety is at an all time high. I don’t know how i am going to get through this. I really don’t know how i am going to get through this at all. I don’t know how i am going to handle the funeral. I can’t bring myself to see you in that way. I don’t want to see you in that way. I want to remember you the way that you were. This loss has taken a complete toll on my heart. I miss him so much. He was the sweetest and kindest person I knew. His laughter was contagious. Even if he was having a bad day, he would still be smiling and laughing. He was the type of person to remember every ones birthday. He was my big brother, who i loved with all of my heart. Its hard to look at photos of him . I am full of all these emotions, that are slowly bubbling to the surface. I just want to run and hid. I am so sad, and I am so mad. I just wish this was a horrible dream that i could wake up from. but its not a horrible dream, this is real . You’ve been taken from us, from the the people that you love the most. I hope you knew how much I loved you, how important were to me, and how much of an impact you made on this world. I just miss my big brother.

Dinner for 7/13

So today for dinner I had leftovers from yesterday. Yesterday it was the first time I cooked in A week. Last week with everything going on I just didn’t feel like cooking. So yesterday I made cilantro lime rice and oxtails. The oxtail came out nice and tender. And I cooked my favorite brand of rice Zatarian. Cooking in the kitchen helped me get my mind off of everything going on,but just briefly. I don’t think I am going to cook anything for tomorrow, but we’ll see what happens.

Social Media Break

Honestly I’ve been thinking that I need a break from social media. i think i just need to unplug and block out the world for a little bit. With everything going on in my life , I am just exhausted. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. 2020 has not been so kind. I just want 2021 to be here already. 2020 has dealt a lot of blows and i don’t think i can handle anymore. I just need a break from social media to unwind. I need to regroup and get myself together.

Bet Awards 2020

Yesterday was the 2020 BET Awards. Obviously with the coronavirus the BET Awards had to go virtual. I thought overall I thought it was pretty good. When it comes to the BET Awards I am always going to prefer the non virtual way better . But I think they did good. I don’t know,maybe its just me but I felt like they skipped over some categories. They also had Wayne Brady do a tribute to little Richard, which I really loved. And Lil Wayne did a tribute to Kobe Bryant which I loved as well. Megan thee Stalllion performed , John legend peformed,Masego peformed,and many other performed through out the night. beyonce was Awarded the Humanitarian award. And she looked stunning as always. Even though the set up was different this year I am always going to love The BET Awards. Its my favorite time of the year. I’ve been watching the BET Awards since i was a kid. The one thing I love about the BET Awards is that its like a family reunion. Its the one time of the year when the black community can come together and celebrate each other,and remember those we have lost. I can’t wait to what they are going to do next year at the BET Awards

DayTime Emmy 2020 part 2

Yesterday was the Daytime Emmy, and first off i just want to say Congratulations to all those that won last night. Last night I fell asleep right after the Daytime Emmys.I never got a chance to tell you guys what I thought about the awards. I really enjoyed the show. The show this year went virtually because of the Coronavirus. I think they did a really good job doing the show virtually. And I was extremely happy to see the Daytime Emmys back on TV. It hasn’t been on TV in a really long time. I also liked how they showed different moments that took place at the Daytime Emmys over the years. Bryton James won a Daytime Emmy for his role as Devon on Y&R. I am so happy for him. I grew up watching him on Family Matters so it was pretty cool to see him get a Emmy last night. Jason Thompson won a daytime Emmy as well. So happy for Tamara Braun who won an Emmy for her role as Dr Kim Nero on General Hospital. And for game show Jeopardy won and for game show host Alex Trebek won. I think the Daytime Emmys turned out pretty good. Once again to all the winners of the night Congratulations!!

Dinner time part 4

Today I decided to make beef shank with potatoes and white rice. Overall it was a great dinner. I boiled the beef shank for a couple of hours until tender. And then I added cut up potatoes. For seasoning I used onion powder,garlic powder,seasoning salt,black pepper, a little bit of cumin, a little bit of red cayenne pepper and curry powder. I am also eating some mango spears on the side. Mango is one of my favorite fruits . I have no idea what I am going to make tomorrow. But I am going to relax and enjoy my food and continue watching the Avengers.

Relaxing Day

Today was a pretty chill day. I went out for a little bit to run errands and then came home and made dinner. All and all it was a relaxing day. Might watch a movie tonight or play my video games. it was pretty busy at the stores. And i noticed that every time I go to the grocery store the price of meat keeps going up. I mean at this rate if the prices keep going higher on meat I will have to become a vegetarian. I’ve also been trying to find shampoo for sensitive skin/scalp, or some type hypo allergenic shampoo. I haven’t found any yet. I wanted to try something different for shampoo because my skin and my scalp are so sensitive. I’ll probably go check out another store to see if they have any hypo allergenic or shampoo/conditioner for sensitive skin tomorrow .And the weather was ok today. It was actually pretty cool outside. Then the sun came out and it got really hot.

Supper time part 3

Today for dinner I just decide to have leftover pinto beans and I cooked pork steaks to go with it. I wasn’t in the mood to cook a big meal. I just seasoned the pork steak, nothing to crazy or fancy today. But i did remember to take a photo of it. Tomorrow I am thinking about making shanks with some greens, we’ll see what tommorrow will bring

Tonight’s Dinner

Hello Everyone! Today for dinner i made ribs,mash potatoes,pinto beans, and shrimp for dinner. I forgot again to take a picture, but next time i’ll make sure to take a photo so you guys can see it. I have really come to love pinto beans a lot. pinto beans are really good. i also like black beans, and black eye peas. For the ribs i used beef ribs with sweet baby rays barbecue. I really really love sweet baby ray barbecue sauce especially the spicy barbecue. I prefer beef ribs over pork because i am not really big into pork. And i made mash potatoes with out gravy. i typically make mash potatoes without the gravy . Overall dinner was pretty good. I have no idea what i am going to make for dinner tomorrow.I guess we will just have to see what tomorrow will bring. I just love to cook. The kitchen is my favorite place in the house. Can’t wait to show you what i cook tomorrow.